How to Party With Clients…and Keep Your Job презентация

THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

the deal nowadays, you need to wine, dine and dazzle the clients in a whole new way (with a whole new set of substances)

Clients want to bond with you over beer, toast success with bubbly and just get f*cking pissed whenever
This guide will give you everything you need to know for sealing the deal with your client while partying your ass off

pro? Think again. Nailing a beer pong cup means nothing in the business world
Employees whose blood alcohol level is higher than 1.008% have a better chance at a raise than sober suckers
From a survey of 100 random office workers, 71% of employed professionals attribute landing a deal while heavily under influence of alcohol
81% of business meetings now involve booze. Your liver must be a MACHINE

64% of CEOs drink top-shelf scotch


11% of CEOs change their drink according to season

88% of CEOs avoid beer unless at a corporate BBQ or sports event

27% of Forbes Richest people agree martinis are making a comeback. Very dirty and stirred.

DRINK LIKE A BOSS

of communication is expressed by body language, so sit pretty
Napkins go on your lap. You’re a boss, not a savage
58% of top-level execs guess which fork is the salad fork. 17% are successful
Texting at the table is a no-no. If you need text your DTF hook-up, do it under the table

Phone Use at the Table

Flagrantly text and make calls
Surreptitiously text from their lap
Excuse themselves and text from the bathroom
Are able to completely switch off

to arrive. Early birds are not party legends
Prepare a signature phrase you will repeat throughout the night. Instead of “nice to meet you,” wow your clients and co-workers with a greeting like “time to get TURNT!”
Don’t ever let the party end before 5AM. Strippers on speed dial is an excellent after-party suggestion

42% of execs prefer an 8-ball of coke

18% suggest E is the key to keeping the party going

26% believe weed will cure any hangover if smoked the night before

14% swear by an energy drink and double vodka to keep the energy flowing

BEST CHEMICALS TO KEEP THE NIGHT GOING

raises from heavily inebriated CEO
46% of all employees use black mail to get what they want from a client who’s shared personal information after 3+ drinks
9% of managers sign over the lease to their car and/or house after 4+ hours of drinking

Top Tips
The elusive blackout zone is where you are most successful at bullshitting clients and coercing CEOs
Pepper conversations with jargon - KPIs, ROIs, SMART goals, BJs - to give the illusion of intelligence
Photographic evidence of the night’s events ensures longevity and success in any industry

after you’ve found the bottom of a bottle (or two)
Pot: making strangers clients and clients friends since 1619

Cheers.